Righting Someone Else's Train

Letting an employee go is never an easy thing. It's always the culprit of a stress headache, clenched jaw and/or jumpy stomach.

As an employer we affect people's lives. They rely on us for money to keep their lights on, food in their fridge and gas in their car. We put presents under the Christmas tree and celebratory champagne in their glasses. This isn't an egotistical position it's a fact. So.Much.Responsibility.

For those of us signing those checks, there is a lot of power and responsibility in that.
Without diminishing my staff, they are like my children. They look to me to make this company a success. The look to me to keep the lights on, health care paid and food on their tables. It's serious shit.

And in the short time that my company has been in existence I've let a fair amount of people go. I don't subscribe to keeping someone on and crossing my fingers. I trust my gut and I listen to it. If it doesn't seem like it's going to work it probably isn't. It isn't personal, it's business. At least usually that's how it works out.

Today I let an employee go. It was the hardest one yet. There was a lot wrapped up in our "relationship." She fell on hard times and went through some pretty tough shit. I felt for her. I've been there. We have all been there. I believed that she would pull through and go back to who first was.

But life shit changes you. Sometimes for the good. Sometimes for the bad. Sometimes it just takes a while to right the train and get back on track.

I gave her time and let her float. But she never made it back to a place that would work for our organization. We need(ed) more. She just couldn't give it to us (me).

So as I uttered the words "I just have to let you go"  I cried. I couldn't help it. I feel like I failed her. Like if only I had (fill in the blank), it would have worked. She would have righted the train, dusted off the sides and taken off. But I didn't and she didn't. I couldn't lift the train on my own and she wasn't able to pick up her share either.

It's heart breaking and sad. She will go home today and probably cry. She will have to tell her friends and family that she couldn't pick up that train. That the people rooting for the train gave up. It will be hard on her. Much harder for her than for me.

She will wake up the next day and not have a job. But I hope she doesn't forget that she does have a life. That her life needs her to stand at those tracks, stare down that train and figure out how to get it up and running.

And when that train is running we will all silently cheer because we are all humans and we are all on the same team.