I can describe it as spinning. Not around in circles like when you've had too much to drink. Or spinning like too much energy or drugs or something similar. Spinning in that things go so fast you cant quite stop. Like when, as a kid, you would sit on a rope swing and someone would twist you around and around and around until you had raised 3 feet higher. Then they let go, run to the side and you just spin. Spin so fast the world flies by and nothing is recognizable. You cant stop the spin. Dragging your feet or screaming or someone grabbing your hand doesn't help. You spin and spin. You just have to spin until the rope lengthens and the motion stops. Then, you sit for a moment, thankful that its over. Standing up you take a few steps. Unsteady. Unsure. And you do it all over.

That's how I feel. I'm past initial winding up part where it isn't too late to turn back. I'm more at the part right before it spins. I know it's going to spin, but I just keep hoping that the spin will be slow and my feet will reach to slow it down. I hope that maybe it won't spin and someone will unwind me by hand. Slowly letting out the tension. Catching me as I unravel. Holding my hand and forgiving each time I squeeze too hard or hit them with my feet. Or maybe it will spin so fast and so fun that the pain and misery will be worth it. But I keep slowing winding knowing what comes next and how I wont be able to control it. 

I feel sad. 
But I don't really know why.
I feel like I wanna dance.
But I don't really know why.
I feel like I could drink for days.
But I don't like the aftermath.
I feel angry.
But I don't have any concrete reasons why or who.
I feel lost.
But everyone knows where I am.